If you read your story as if a stranger wrote it, what would you think?
I think you do already know the answers to your questions, that you should not submit yourself to a violent spouse; that you should tear yourself away no matter how charming or attractive he is; that your children will suffer if you choose this man to be their father.
But, there is another side to this. By staying with him, you are rewarding him for his violent behavior towards you. You are enabling the absolute worst aspects of his personality.
The question you ought to ask yourself is, why are you attracted to this sort of relationship? What sort of templates do you have from your parents, peers? Did you have any formative experiences involving violence?
There’s an expression that floats around here: no more brother wars. Well. Surely that would apply even more to an effective war zone in an intimate relationship.
You may be bonded to him, but thank God you don’t have children with him. I cannot tell you what to do, but my suggestion is to leave, as safely as you can, and then seek help to process whatever it is inside that draws you to this violence.
Your future children deserve the kind of man that will keep the war outside the home.
